I’ve Developed a Crush on My Doctor and Don’t Know What to Do

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:23 JST, November 5, 2023

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m an unemployed woman in my late 60s, and my husband passed away 10 years ago. I have three children, all of whom have moved out and are married.

I regularly get treated at a clinic, but I need help because I’ve developed a crush on the doctor there.

I’ve been going to the orthopedic clinic for the past two years for rehabilitation, and the doctor is married and in his 40s.

These days, many doctors see their patients while staring at a computer screen, but my doctor is calm and polite with all his patients.

It started out as feelings of respect, but those feelings soon turned into romantic thoughts. Being able to visit the doctor every two weeks gives me a reason to live.

It’s also really difficult because when I think about him, I can barely function. To avoid thinking about him, I go to chorus or dance classes or do some kind of exercise to distract myself.

I can’t believe I’m in my late 60s and have a crush on someone.

You probably find this funny, but I just need some advice.

U, Kyoto Prefecture

Dear Ms. U:

There’s no age limit when it comes to falling in love. However, I think your feelings are not of love, but of admiration. I’m sure — as you’re an adult — you’re aware of that as well.

Any patient would appreciate a calm and respectful doctor. But that care is the result of years of training to become a medical professional and learning to be sympathetic toward his patients. He’s only doing his job.

You’re only seeing him as a doctor, which is only one part of him. You’re not seeing everything.

As you said, many doctors stare at a screen while treating patients, so people tend to admire doctors who are polite and respectful, much like your doctor. Having such a great doctor and being able to look forward to going to the clinic is a wonderful thing.

Realize that you admire him as a doctor and treasure that feeling of excitement every day. I think that is how you can make the most of your feelings as an adult.

Love is accepting everything about a person, even the parts of them you don’t want to see or don’t like. Right now, just live your life but understand that the feelings you currently have aren’t feelings of love.

Junko Umihara, psychiatrist