My Mother Is against My Marriage Because My Fiancee Is Repaying Student Loans

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:12 JST, January 11, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a schoolteacher in my 20s. I got engaged to my girlfriend in April and we began living together.

We initially intended to get married right away. However, my mother said we must hold our wedding ceremony first. So we’ve been making preparations.

My fiancee is repaying her student loans. Though she still has a large balance remaining, she told me she will repay the loans on her own. I supported her plan and wanted to work hard together with her.

However, my mother opposed this, saying, “Student loans are debt. We will give her money. You can marry her after she repays all her debt with the money.”

According to my fiancee, her parents cannot afford to give her money, so they plan to apologize to my parents for their offer to cover her student loans.

My fiancee and I were so bothered that we decided to postpone our wedding until after she has finished the repayment.

She was so frustrated, saying, “Is it such a bad thing that I have to repay my student loans? What’s wrong with that?” A harsh mood has settled between us.

I’m disgusted with myself for compromising for my mother’s sake even though I should have given priority to my fiancee’s feelings. I keep thinking about how awful I am. What should I do?

A, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Mr. A:

Do you really want to marry her? Though you seem to be a little self-aware, you really are pathetic. You and your fiancee promised to work together for your future, but you are wavering due to what your mother said.

Doesn’t it seem anachronistic that your fiancee’s parents think they should visit your parents’ home to offer an apology?

Any family can have financial issues. Even so, your fiancee took out student loans to continue her education. She’s now working to repay them.

This is her choice in life, and she is determined. Can you understand how scared and insecure she must have felt, taking on debt when she was younger? Can you understand her nervousness at not being able to rely on her own parents?

This is not a case where a third party can intervene. That is to say nothing of the fact that this is not something your parents should repay on her behalf. This has to do with her dignity.

You are pathetic not just because of how easily you talked to your mother about something that has to do with your fiancee’s way of life. You just accepted your mother’s demands without realizing her thoughtlessness and complete lack of imagination, as she believes she can sweep away your fiancee’s troubles by waving around her financial power.

You are being tested about how you are going live your life. If you just sit around doing nothing, you’ll find yourself without a fiancee.

Hazuki Saisho, writer