My Physically Disabled Son’s Prospective In-Laws Oppose the Marriage

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:00 JST, February 2, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 50s, and I need advice about my second son’s marriage. My son has a physical disability.

I have five children who are all adults. They all grew up honest, cheerful and kind, and I’m very happy to have them. I’m grateful to the many people who supported and took care of me and my husband, as we were young parents.

My two older children are twins, and they both have physical disabilities. They both say they have never resented their bodies, although I believe they’ve gone through difficulties.

My twins are very strong and active. They’ll try anything they’re interested in and enjoy playing sports.

One of the twins has been with his girlfriend for more than five years. She’s lovely and they’re talking about getting married soon.

However, her parents are against the marriage. I think they’re worried about their daughter marrying a person who is severely disabled.

Should I not say anything and leave it up to my son and his girlfriend? It’s difficult because I feel helpless as a parent.

T, location withheld

Dear Ms. T:

You are grieving over a feeling of helplessness as a parent, but you don’t have to. You have raised five children well, particularly twins with disabilities who are bright and full of energy.

You wrote about your gratitude to those who supported you without mentioning your own hardships.

Your children have pursued all sorts of interests, and your second son has found a woman with whom he wants to share his life. It is disappointing that her parents are against the marriage, but you have tried to understand their feelings and have not spoken badly about them.

There is nothing more you can do. You said you feel helpless as you just have to wait. However, waiting requires more strength than taking some sort of action. I believe that’s something only you can do.

There is no way to know if she can convince her parents or if it will end in disappointment. It is important for your son to face the reality and overcome the challenges one at a time.

Please believe in and look after the woman your son loves and, most importantly, the son you’ve raised. There is no greater support than that for the two young people.

Masami Ohinata, university president