I’m Jealous of People Who Can Rely on Their Parents for Childcare

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:03 JST, January 25, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 30s working as a public servant. My husband and I both work, and we are raising two young children.

We are both angling for a promotion, and we work hard, with no hesitation for doing overtime. The problem is that when it comes to childcare, I don’t really have anyone to rely on besides my husband.

Lately, more women around me are becoming managers. But in general, they manage to balance parenting and work with help from the woman’s parents. When household chores and childcare are difficult for us, we pay someone to do the job in our place.

However, the back-and-forth required to arrange these services is complicated. I feel drained every day, and I’m reaching my limit. I can’t help feeling envious of people who can depend on their parents for childcare. Sometimes this makes me jealous and miserable.

Because of my age, quitting or changing jobs isn’t really an option at this point. What kind of mindset should I apply to my work?

— O, Hokkaido

Dear Ms. O:

You are looking to get promoted while raising two young children. I can feel how hard it is — like walking a tightrope with a heavy load slung over both shoulders. It’s only natural that you would feel jealous when you see other women in management receiving help from their parents.

There are moments when anyone can feel the grass is greener next door. Often, that happens when fatigue has built up and you can no longer see the good things you already have. I hope you will find ways to create moments of relief, even brief ones, and try shifting your perspective.

In any situation, the good and the bad always coexist. Even if someone can lean on their parents, that doesn’t mean they have no emotional burden.

There are plenty of cases in which they are bothered by different views in child-rearing with their parents or their overly interfering in their children’s lives. By facing difficulties together with your spouse, you may be strengthening your marriage and deepening the bond between two of you.

No one wants hardship, but you can also view it as a trial that has been given to you for a reason. Even if you can’t see it now, I believe a day will come when you can look back and see the time you fought through childcare and work as one of the high points of your life — and that it led you to where you are.

Take it from someone who raised two daughters and had a similar experience.

— Masami Ohinata, university president