5 Japanese Business Dinner Mistakes to Avoid — and What They Taught Me About Business in Japan

By Mike Kim / Special to The Japan News

16:54 JST, December 1, 2025

When I first started doing business in Japan in 2016, the initial cultural lesson was the meishi kokan — the business card exchange. It’s a ritual that’s generally easy to pick up. But what took years to truly understand was something less obvious and far more powerful: the art of the Japanese business dinner. I came to see the dinner as central to how trust and collaboration actually happen in Japan.

Before the pandemic, I probably averaged three or four dinners a week. What started as a work obligation quickly became something to genuinely enjoy.

Looking back, I can’t imagine where my relationships with Japanese customers, partners and investors would be without those dinners. When I think about my strongest corporate relationships over the past decade, they all seem to trace back to memorable evenings at the table, not meetings in conference rooms. It’s over dinner that relationships are deepened, friendships are forged, honest conversations take place (sometimes difficult ones), apologies are made, alignment happens, and celebrations unfold.

As an American corporate consultant who learned through trial and error without anyone to show me the ropes, I hereby would like to note five mistakes that can slow your progress in business with Japanese counterparts.

1. Skipping the dinner altogether

The first mistake is to forgo doing business dinners at all. If you skip these opportunities with your customers or potential customers, you are missing out on the chance to build essential relationships and trust with your counterparts. I sometimes wonder if foreigners doing business in Japan say Japan is “slow” when it comes to business because those same foreigners have been “slow” in authentically building relationships. In a Japan business context, you are missing out if you don’t embrace these opportunities outside of the conference room.

2. Not hosting or reciprocating

This part involves three critical failures: failing to host, failing to reciprocate, and failing to curate the experience. The rule of reciprocity is universal: If someone treats you, then you should treat them next time. For your customers, or desired customers, you should always offer to host and insist on paying. For the most part, offering to make the dinner reservation signals that you intend to pay, but you still may need to insist on covering the bill at the end of the meal.

The Japan National Tourism Organization defines omotenashi as “a sense of incredible hospitality … to wholeheartedly look after guests.” I and my family have been on the receiving end of omotenashi thousands of times. If you have experienced it, you know the incredible lengths and thoughtfulness Japanese people will go to — choosing a restaurant, providing an experience, serving you during dinner, sometimes bringing gifts, even to walking with you to see you off in a taxi or at the subway station. Through Japanese business dinners, you have a wonderful opportunity to reciprocate this and show your appreciation by being hospitable back and practicing your own omotenashi. Thoughtfully choose restaurants, curate experiences, and serve the food and drinks. It’s quite fun once you get into it.

3. Overlooking drinking etiquette

If you are joining in the drinking, it is important to be aware of drinking etiquette. Just as with many things in Japan, there are customs when drinking. In America and other parts of the world, drinking is individualistic. In Japan it can be more communal.

This is evident when everyone sits down and places their first drink order. I don’t recall ever being at a Japanese dinner where the Japanese businesspeople didn’t all order the same drink for the initial kampai toast. Sure, as a foreigner you can order something different while everyone orders the same first drink, but it’s helpful to be aware of this dynamic. I would rather know this than not be aware.

The communal nature of drinking is most evident when drinking sake. Simply put, the three most important sake rules are (there are more than three):

• Never pour for yourself.

• Never let someone else’s glass go dry.

• When you pour and receive, use both hands.

If you are really new, one approach is to ask questions, acknowledge that this is all new for you, and apologize in advance for any mistakes, saying they are not intentional. You could say: “I love sake. I don’t know the rules, though, so if we order can you please teach me the Japanese way?” That simple acknowledgement can go a long way.

4. Talking business too soon or not at all

On the one hand, you don’t want to be transactional and start talking business the moment you sit down. On the other hand, you don’t want to be too cautious and avoid talking business entirely. At a Japanese business dinner, talking business is indeed expected. Your counterparts may have already prepared specific comments or completed the necessary internal groundwork in advance of the dinner. At some point in the middle of the dinner, it’s a wonderful opportunity to have an open discussion about the business relationship, gather honest feedback, and discuss next steps you are working towards. Conversations can be more open and candid during dinner, and if managed properly, this can accelerate alignment and movement towards next steps.

5. Missing out on real connections

Above all, my guiding north star is to be authentic. I’m genuinely interested in learning more about my Japanese counterpart’s family, their interests and hobbies outside of work, their professional career and what parts of the world it has taken them to, and more about Japan through their eyes and experiences. You might learn a little of that in a formal meeting room, but it’s only a fraction of the ground that can be covered over a business dinner. Things learned over dinner become connection points that can deepen the relationship in every subsequent meeting.

The Japanese business dinner is a wonderful part of Japanese business culture. By embracing these rituals and avoiding these five missteps, you actively move the relationship beyond the transactional. Ultimately, mastering these moments means accelerating your business relationships and, at the same time, forging lasting friendships.

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Mike Kim is the founder of Gradient Consulting, a consultancy that helps AI startups build customer relationships and forge partnerships with corporations in Japan and the Asia Pacific. He has over 20 years of experience across nine countries in the region and is based in Tokyo.