My Daughters Ignore Their Father; He Won’t Engage, Wants to Keep His Distance

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:38 JST, March 15, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a part-time employee in my late 40s. My husband is around my age, and we have two daughters who are 13 and 10.

Our elder daughter stopped talking to my husband last year, and our second started doing the same this year. It’s uncomfortable to watch them pull their chairs away during meals.

I told them, “Why are you acting like that? It makes me feel bad,” but nothing has changed.

They said they don’t talk to their father because they have nothing to say. I understand that many children go through this phase, especially girls. My husband and I went through it as well.

While our daughters are sometimes rebellious and will ignore me, I don’t care and just keep talking to them. So, I’ve somehow managed to maintain a decent relationship.

However, my husband said he won’t engage with them and will keep his distance. I’m disappointed by his decision because I want him to try and talk to them.

The atmosphere at home has become so uncomfortable that I want him to live somewhere else. What should I do?

X, Hyogo Prefecture

Dear Ms. X:

Fathers often have a difficult relationship with their daughters during their adolescence. Hormonal changes play a part, but daughters tend to be hostile toward their fathers as they are not the same sex.

When girls this age confront their fathers over something trivial, if it escalates, they just reject their fathers for no reason.

In the case of your family, since your daughters are close in age, they are working together to resist their father. I can only imagine how hurt he must feel.

It is important that he maintains a distance from them and not react to every little thing. I hope your husband will be honest with your daughters, even just once, and tell them how he feels.

For example, he could say: “I cherish you now just as much as when you were little. I’m so happy to see how much you two have grown. This is why I feel so hurt by your behavior. I understand how you feel because I also rebelled against my parents. I trust both of you and will wait.”

It would be enough if he could say something like this just once. When he talks to them, you should sit next to him without saying a word to show them that their parents are united.

In order to make this rebellious phase not last too long and help your family return to the happy household it once was, you two must be united as their parents.

If you want your husband to move out, I’m afraid that your family will eventually become divided and the four of you will turn against each other.

Masami Ohinata, university president