Called ‘Inefficient’ in The Kitchen 10 Years Ago, Cooking Is Painful Even Now

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:02 JST, February 8, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my late 20s. When I was a student about 10 years ago, I lived at my paternal grandmother’s house. That experience has made cooking extremely painful for me.

I started living there when I entered junior college and was put in charge of making dinner. Every day, my grandmother and aunt pointed out how inefficiently I was doing things in the kitchen, saying things like, “You should wash all the utensils while you’re cooking,” and “It’s ridiculous you don’t have all the necessary ingredients. You need to shop for them in advance.”

Fresh out of high school with no experience cooking quickly, I couldn’t argue back. It was such a tough time for me. I talked about it at the time with my father, but he didn’t help me.

I’ve now cut off all contact with my parents and relatives. I’m taking care of my baby and handling the household chores. While cooking, I’m haunted by the memories of that time and feel awful.

When my baby cries and I need to hurry with the cooking, I keep thinking I have to be more efficient. It’s suffocating. How can I find peace with these feelings?

K, Tokyo

Dear Ms. K:

I understand you endured hardships at your grandmother’s house when you were a student. It must have been lonely having nobody who understood your pain.

You did not make any mention of your mother in your letter, but the fact that you now have no contact with either of your parents or any relatives suggests that your immediate family was never on your side.

You said that cooking brings back painful memories. Since getting married, however, I believe you have probably found joy in cooking. You are probably feeling pain now because you are lonely and unsupported, just like when you were living at your grandmother’s house, triggering memories you’ve been suppressing.

Are you shouldering all the housework and childcare alone? Have you told your husband what you’re going through? You seem to be in contact with his relatives, but is there anyone among them who truly understands how you feel?

First, don’t hold back — tell your husband that you’re suffering. Try making time on days off or weekends to enjoy doing chores with him. Find someone who will be on your side and ask for help.

Also, take some time away from taking care of your baby to have some time for yourself. Check if your local government or other entities offer any temporary childcare support services.

Junko Umihara, psychologist