My 2½-Year-Old Grandchild Seems to Dislike My Wife

The Yomiuri Shimbun

10:31 JST, September 14, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male doctor in my 70s. My daughter, in her 40s, lives about a five-minute drive away from my house and works while raising her child. My wife, in her 60s, goes to our daughter’s place to cook dinner, and we all eat together.

However, our 2½-year-old grandchild doesn’t seem to get along with my wife, and I’m having a hard time with it.

On the surface, my wife and our grandchild seem to get along well, but during meals, family time and when we say goodbye while leaving our daughter’s house, our grandchild seems to avoid my wife. The child sometimes hits my wife while laughing.

My wife and our daughter have a good relationship and often go on trips and have meals together. What concerns me is that they once had a little quarrel when they were cooking together at our daughter’s place.

I wonder if our grandchild might have developed some kind of hostility toward my wife after hearing the argument.

I’ve talked to my daughter about the relationship between her child and my wife, and I’ve also talked to my grandchild, but things have not improved. My wife is upset and says she no longer wants to visit our daughter’s place. How should I handle the situation?

B, Hyogo Prefecture

Dear Mr. B:

It sounds like you have a close-knit family of three generations, as you and your wife live near your daughter and grandchild, with your wife taking care of meals for them. However, the closer the relationship, the more likely it is for emotional conflicts to arise.

It is probably natural for your daughter to ask her mother for help with meals. I believe this shows how close they are.

However, for your grandchild, who is still very young, seeing how well they’re getting on with each other may make them feel as if their mother is being taken away by the grandmother.

At 2½ years old, children are gradually becoming independent from their parents and are also likely to become more conscious of their relationship with their mother. If the mother is close to her own mother, the child may feel anxious that their precious mother is leaving.

Even a conversation that seems casual to your wife and daughter may make your grandchild feel left out. That is probably why your grandchild is being harsh toward your wife.

How about keeping some distance for a while and seeing how things go? As your grandchild grows up, the relationship with your wife will change, and there will be days when all three generations can enjoy spending time together on good terms.

Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist