I Don’t Know If My Husband’s Workaholic Mindset Will Change Now That I Have Cancer

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:55 JST, September 7, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female part-time worker in my 40s. My husband is a very dedicated worker who brings his work home. On the weekends, he sleeps until noon to make up for his lack of sleep on weekdays.

He never gambles, smokes or drinks much. He seems to live only for work.

My husband has never played with our two children or taken time off even when they were in events. I have done all the household chores, raised our children and socialized at his parents’ home by myself.

Though I wanted to complain, I could not say anything while watching him work so hard.

Our elder son is now old enough to start taking his university entrance exams.

I also began working at a part-time job a few years ago and have come to enjoy working. But then I found out that I have cancer. Fortunately, it’s in an early stage and the date of a surgery has been decided.

Though my husband was shocked, I wonder if our daily routine will be the same again after I’m discharged from the hospital.

I wonder if my husband can change his mindset in the wake of my illness and pay more attention to our family life.

T, Hyogo Prefecture

Dear Ms. T:

It must have been so hard dealing with the many family chores on your own until now. It was likely a shock that your cancer was found just as you began to enjoy your part-time job after dedicating yourself to housework.

Fortunately, as you said, the cancer is in an early stage and surgery is possible. But I cannot say for sure whether it can change your husband’s mindset. That is because I don’t know why your husband has lived his life dedicating everything to his job.

He may truly love working or believe that doing so can contribute to your family’s happiness. Various other reasons can be assumed.

But these are no more than my personal guesses and his real reason cannot be known unless you ask him yourself.

Similarly, I suppose there is the possibility your husband does not sufficiently understand how you feel.

How much have you told him about your desire for him to pay more attention to family affairs? How you feel cannot be conveyed to him unless you speak up.

As you mentioned that he was shocked when you were diagnosed, how about properly telling him what you want, using your illness as an opportunity to discuss the subject?

I believe that with a proper talk, there is enough of a chance that it could trigger a change in what your husband thinks and how he behaves.

Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist