I Received a Request from My Estranged Father After 40 Years Apart

The Yomiuri Shimbun

16:18 JST, August 10, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 50s working part-time. My parents are divorced, and I have lived apart from my father for 40 years.

He remarried, and we have had almost no interaction since then. He has no children with his partner from his second marriage.

Out of the blue, he called me and asked me to be a guarantor for the fire insurance on his house. He said, “Being a guarantor is not a difficult thing to do. Since I’m over 70 years old, I can’t re-enroll without a relative to act as a guarantor.”

It’s rare for him to call me, but he just kept repeating his one-sided request.

Thinking back, I called him once when I was feeling tormented by worry and couldn’t think of anything else. But from the moment when I got through to him, he started talking about his own life and did not listen to anything I had to say.

After that, I gave up on having a relationship with him, and though I hoped he was living well, I maintained distance from him as if he were a distant relative.

I wanted to help my father if he needed it, but I was very confused. Would I be a bad daughter if I refused his request?

— X, Aichi Prefecture

Dear Ms. X:

I contacted several insurance companies, but they told me that it is not normal to ask for a guarantor for fire insurance on an owner-occupied house, even if the owner is elderly.

It may be handled differently depending on the insurance company or sales office, so it seems you will have to check.

If this is the case, it would be best to take this as a message from your father that he wants to get in touch with his daughter and, if possible, repair the relationship. In other words, the question is what kind of connection you would like to have with your father in the future.

I think that you are probably torn between feelings of resentment and caring for your father.

First, try to communicate with him a little. I suggest that you contact your father and ask him to make a proper inquiry with the insurance company to see if he really needs a guarantor. While you are talking with him, you should be able to sort out your feelings.

If, as a result, you still feel that you do not want to have a relationship with him, I think that is fine. If you start to feel something, you can think of it as a chance to develop a new connection. It would be a good idea to keep in touch with him to a degree that is not burdensome for either of you.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor