My Granddaughter in Elementary School Says She Wants to Die; How Should I Respond, Tell my Own Daughter?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:38 JST, August 3, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 60s running my own business. I have a granddaughter who is an elementary school student. She is so cute I can’t help buying anything she wants.

However, while we were chatting recently, she said, “I want to die because my mother always scolds me.”

I also heard her murmur, “I could die there,” while watching a TV news report on wildfires.

I was so shocked the only thing I could say was, “You must not think such things.”

It is scary that the idea of “death” exists in the mind of a little child at all. I have not told her mother, who is my daughter, since it will affect her even more deeply. I’m worried every day about what I can do.

I am so afraid my granddaughter may take practical action in the future, I can’t concentrate on anything. From now, how should I handle this situation?

— K, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. K:

You must have been shocked when to hear your granddaughter’s words that she “wants to die.” I believe you instantly responded, “You must not think such things,” because you want her to live with mental fortitude.

But I think it may be better for you to take a different approach. The first thing to do is voice words of sympathy such as, “Oh, you must be really suffering.”

At this stage, it is hard to tell whether she is really feeling that she wants to die or just wanting to escape something unpleasant in her daily life.

Therefore, do not relentlessly question her. It’s better to say, “If possible, tell me why,” while holding her gently.

Many children’s worries cannot be understood using adult standards. Whether her worry is rational or not, what is necessary is to say, “I’m absolutely on your side.”

If your granddaughter opens up to you, you may be able to address her concerns together.

The sense of security of having someone on her side will surely be a great source of mental strength for her.

Also, thinking about death can lead to thinking about how to live. Please convey to your granddaughter the joy and importance of living.

Finally, once the situation is a little clearer, how about talking to your daughter? It may be beneficial to let her know how her daughter feels and how the relationship between the two needs to be navigated.

— Masami Ohinata, university president