My Mom Wants to Divorce My Dad, and I Feel Stuck in the Middle

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:47 JST, July 27, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female high school student, and I live with my parents and younger brother, who is in junior high.

My father quit his job several years ago because of an illness. He has since given up on trying to find a full-time job and just works part-time. My mother is not happy with it, and my parents’ relationship isn’t going well.

Several months ago, when I was alone with my mother, she told me that she was thinking about divorcing my father. She said she would stay with him until after my brother and I became financially independent, but then she would cut ties with my father.

What she told me didn’t feel real because there’s still a lot of time before my brother and I become financially independent, and there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to accept it. However, I think my mother is serious about it.

I understand the torment my father felt when he had to quit his job and how frustrated my mother must feel.

I love both my parents, so I can’t really say anything. Currently, I kind of act like a buffer between the two. However, I also have to get ready for my university entrance exams, so my heart and mind are all over the place.

Is there anything I can do regarding the situation with my parents?

F, Tokyo

Dear Ms. F:

No situation is more painful and disturbing to children than seeing their parents’ relationship fall apart or being torn between them while they are heading for divorce.

Your parents’ situation and feelings take up so much of your thoughts, and you cannot say anything because you’re their child. I sorely understand how you feel.

However, a relationship between married people is a matter between them.

As for what you can do, it is probably just to let your demands and requests as their child be known. You’re just a teenager in high school preparing for your university entrance exams.

I think you can even be selfish as a student preparing for exams. As their child, you can say: “I don’t want you two to fight and I don’t want to have it affect my studies. I want to be able to focus more on studying for the exams.”

Since it seems as if they won’t get a divorce until after your brother becomes financially independent, I think you should be as selfish as possible when choosing a university.

Your parents’ relationship won’t stay like this forever. For better or for worse, it will change. So, I hope that you won’t be persuaded by these circumstances and just focus on accomplishing your goal. Take care of your own life.

Naoki Ogi, education commentator