I’m Upset with My Father for Taking Photos of My Room without My Knowledge

The Yomiuri Shimbun

20:18 JST, July 20, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a public servant in my 20s. I love manga and anime. I decorate my room with related posters and other things. Some of them are ones that I hate showing to other people.

I learned that my father took photos of my room without telling me when he came to see me at my place. He later showed them at a New Year gathering with my relatives.

When I confronted him over the phone, he argued back, saying, “You don’t have to get angry over such a tiny matter.”

I got so angry that I shouted back, “Shut your damn mouth!” and hung up.

Later, my mother contacted me and said my father had said I cursed at him. Even when she suggested that he apologize, he showed no intention to do so. He also didn’t seem to feel sorry for what he did, according to my mother.

I’m deeply disappointed that he lacks sensitivity and prioritizes his pride. How can I deal with him from now on?

B, Yamaguchi Prefecture

Dear Mr. B:

It is difficult to convey to people who are not interested in manga and anime what makes them so interesting. I understand that you wouldn’t want to show items to others even if you are proud of them.

You probably feel that your father took your sense of values lightly when he said it was “such a tiny matter.”

I understand your anger, but only venting your emotion will not solve the problem. If you want things to return to the way they used to be with your father, you need to calmly convey your feelings to him.

First, apologize to him for using abusive language and then ask him to apologize for showing the photos he took without your permission.

You need to try to make him respect your privacy and have him understand he should not act the way he did.

Verbal exchanges tend to make people emotional. Why don’t you write him a letter? Written words can have calm, logical persuasiveness that spoken words don’t have.

If it is from his son, your father will certainly read the letter and take it seriously. Your father, having faced your anger, must have reflected on what he has done, though he hasn’t said anything. He will understand you.

Tomomi Fujiwara, writer