I’m Considering Divorce over My Husband’s Dating App Use

The Yomiuri Shimbun

16:34 JST, July 13, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female contract worker in my 50s. I live with my husband, who is in his 60s, and our daughter, who is in her 20s. My husband is retired but continues to work, and our daughter has found a job outside the prefecture.

I’m considering getting a divorce because my husband won’t stop using dating apps.

Four years ago, I discovered that he cheated on me with a woman he met on an app. My daughter and I were deeply saddened and distressed by the revelation.

My husband cried and apologized, swearing he would “never do it again.” Seeing his remorse, I believed it was a one-time mistake and didn’t divorce him. Instead, we spent time rebuilding our relationship.

However, I discovered that he was using the app again.

I want a divorce, but I cannot bring myself to ask for one, as I dread how much my daughter, who has a history of PTSD, would be hurt again if she found out the reason why. I can’t help but cry, feeling like a fool for forgiving him the first time around.

What should I do going forward?

— V, Miyagi Prefecture

Dear Ms. V:

Since your husband continues to use dating apps despite his seemingly heartfelt apology and promise to quit, it’s unlikely that he will change his behavior in the future.

It’s up to you whether you continue living with him.

When making that decision, it would be wise to talk about it with a trustworthy person who can provide an objective opinion, rather than trying to decide alone.

If you want to get a divorce, you can contact local government hotlines or the Japan Legal Support Center, which offers legal consultations. You can also contact court mediators. There are also free consultation services where you can discuss your situation and decide whether to get a divorce.

If you are considering reconciling with your husband, I advise you to talk to a couples’ counselor or family therapy specialist. A counselor can help you identify issues in your marriage or family life and find solutions.

Given that your daughter has a history of PTSD, it might be beneficial for her to participate in the counseling with you, if you’re concerned about her. Although I’m not sure what the trigger for her PTSD is, if she is undergoing treatment, you should talk to her physician.

— Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist