I Told My Coworker I Liked Her, She Came Out to Me

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:43 JST, June 29, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 20s, and I told my coworker, who’s around the same age as me, that I liked her. It’s the first time I’ve told someone how I feel about them.

However, she told me she’s not attracted to men. She said she had never told anyone about her sexual orientation before.

Even in this age of diversity, it must have taken a lot of determination and courage for her to come out to me. Obviously, I was shocked but also impressed by her decision to tell me — albeit after much struggle and internal conflict. I felt a mix of emotions.

I started having feelings for her after seeing how she cares for people at work. After she invited me to dinner, we started hanging out, and I felt a sense of peace and joy when I was with her.

Ever since I told her how I feel, she has been confiding in me more than ever about work. I try to stay calm on the surface but can’t help but feel happy about it on the inside.

Due to the sensitive nature of the situation, I’ve hesitated to confide in anyone else about all this. How should I interact with her from now on?

I, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Mr. I:

I can tell by your letter how much you and your coworker care for each other. Although your relationship won’t develop into a romantic one, I hope the two of you will keep spending time together as trusted coworkers and irreplaceable friends.

How should we deal with unrequited love? What have those who’ve come before us done to get over this universal emotion?

You can find the answer in books, movies, art and TV shows. Even though there’s no fundamental solution, the words of our ancestors speak to us beyond time, country, race and gender.

Knowing that you’re not alone will gradually ease your suffering and teach you, beyond time and space, that life still has meaning.

Your encounter with this young lady is, in essence, a gem that will make you a better person. The value of this rough, unpolished stone is still unknown. Whether you polish it into something beautiful or discard it is entirely up to you. It’s not something others can decide for you.

You wrote that you hesitated to share your thoughts, but perhaps your words have already encouraged someone else who is struggling like you. I pray you find happiness in the future.

Hazuki Saisho, writer