Should I Meet My Daughter Whom I Have Not Seen for over 40 Years?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:07 JST, June 22, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male part-time employee in my 70s and have been divorced for 43 years.

To my surprise, last year I received a letter from my daughter, who was raised by my ex-wife.

She is now 42 years old, a mother of three and apparently lives overseas. My daughter wrote that her mother was not happy to learn that she was looking for me when they saw each other in Japan last year.

I can now talk to my daughter through Line, and I know where she lives.

I don’t think she knows what it is like to grow up with a father, so she wants to meet me. I also wanted to see her after I got the letter.

But I’m wondering why she reached out to me now, as we have not had contact for more than 40 years. I didn’t even know she was married.

I also don’t know how I should act around her children — my grandchildren. Should I travel overseas to meet her?

Y, Tokyo

Dear Mr. Y:

Was your daughter born after your divorce? As you have had no contact with her since she was a baby, you must be wondering why she reached out now after more than 40 years.

Your daughter just might have always wanted to meet her father, with that feeling getting stronger now that she is a parent herself. To start, I think you should believe your daughter does not have any ulterior motive, and her intentions are pure.

But how have you been feeling? Before meeting your daughter, you should be ready to express that you have also been thinking of her.

Perhaps it would be best to take things one step at a time before meeting in person. You said you can reach her though Line. You can talk to your daughter and her children while seeing their faces by making video calls or through other similar means of communication.

Since she lives overseas, I think it’s a reasonable way for you two to gradually get closer.

I sincerely hope that by spending this kind of quality time together, you can have an easy and natural heart-to-heart interaction when you two finally meet in person and overcome more than 40 years of being apart.

Masami Ohinata,university president