My Husband Does Not Work and Spends His Days Online, Playing Games

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, June 22, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 50s. My husband retired seven years ago, shortly after I was promoted to a managerial position. He remains unemployed to this day.

When he retired, he promised that, even if he could not find a full-time position, he would at least work part-time. But he has made no effort to find a job.

He leaves almost all of the household chores to my mother, who lives with us, and spends his days online or playing games. When I come home, he talks about what he found out online, acting as if he knows everything. It’s extremely frustrating.

I wonder if I might feel better once he starts receiving his public pension benefits. However, I feel it is extremely unfair that I have to work full-time for nearly 10 years more before I begin receiving my own pension benefits.

I cannot bring myself to divorce him since I do not want to give him nearly half of my retirement payment from work in the divorce settlement. How should I deal with my husband?

V, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Ms. V:

Many people might get a chill reading your letter when they imagine how it would be if the same thing were to happen to them. However, you are living with this difficult situation. It must be frustrating and painful for you.

After reading your letter, I felt your mother is a key person to help you solve the problem. Since she is in good health, you are spoiling your husband. You also seem to be overly reliant on her when dealing with household chores, since she can take care of them.

I can imagine that, like you, your mother is very observant and hardworking. She may be doing her best out of gratitude for letting her live with the two of you.

However, considering her age, she may already be facing a significant physical and mental strain. It seems to be time to thoroughly consider the future of your family.

When someone becomes obsessed with games or the internet, they never feel lonely, as they are constantly connected, leading to addiction. Perhaps your husband is aware of this, but he is unable to stop.

If your husband has no intention of working, make him do more chores, little by little, and have him take the lead in caring for your mother when the time comes. Physical activity can help pull your husband out of the online world.

Start by encouraging your mother to complain or open up about her feelings. Of course, do not forget to tell her how appreciative you are.

Hazuki Saisho, writer