My Son Has Been Taken in By His Wife’s Family

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:10 JST, June 15, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 60s who works for a nongovernmental organization. I’m worried about the relationship between my eldest son, his wife and her family.

My son lives in Tokyo and is a dentist. After graduating from university, he married a former university classmate.

I thought he would return to his hometown after they got married, but his wife insisted that she would divorce him unless he bought a house. I was opposed to the idea, but my son had no choice but to do it. Later, her family bought a house next to theirs. He has become like an adopted son of her family.

I have a grandchild who is now 3 years old. However, my wife and I have only been able to see the child twice, including once just after they were born.

Whenever we say that we will go to Tokyo to see them, my son’s wife will not allow it, giving reasons such as “They are not feeling well.”

She does not work, and she goes to her parents’ house next door whenever she is upset. My son says to me, “I would have divorced her long ago if we didn’t have a child.”

I advise him to tell her what he has to say, but he apparently cannot say anything because he is tired of arguing with her.

Of our four children, our eldest son is the only one who does not return to our house for the New Year’s holiday period. He only says it can’t be helped.

I can’t help feeling sorry for him if things go on like this.

— P, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Mr. P:

Your son has been taken in by his wife’s family. Cases like his are not uncommon, and various sociological surveys show that many women in large cities maintain strong ties with their own parents even after they get married.

In my research on families, I once heard of a man who had decided to divorce his wife who was always spending a lot of time at her parents’ house. He made the decision because, when he asked her “Which is more important, me or your parents?” she simply said, “My parents.”

However, your son has to decide for himself what kind of life he wants to lead. Since his relationship with his wife does not seem to be so good, I think he is probably considering a divorce, but he might be torn between waiting until their child is older or divorcing early and making a fresh start.

As a parent, you should avoid getting emotional and interfering in their relationship.

However, I would like you to stay in touch with your son, be a good listener and encourage him by telling him that you are always there to offer him help whenever he needs it.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor