I Cannot Recover from My Dog’s Death; Putting Pain into Words Can Be Healing

The Yomiuri Shimbun

15:59 JST, June 8, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 70s. My beloved dog died after I spent two years and seven months with her. I regret that I was not by her side as she passed away early in the morning.

After our children became independent, my wife and I began to feel lonely just being by ourselves. So we took in an adult dog that had been raised as a breeding dog.

At first, we had a tough time with her. But we treated her with love and affection, and eventually she took to us.

However, she was diagnosed with cancer, and treating it was difficult. She was able to go for walks and enjoy eating her favorite food up until two days before her death. I feel so sorry for her.

I prayed in front of her coffin, saying in my heart, “Our time together was brief, but thank you for being a member of our family and healing us. I am sorry you had to feel lonely, to suffer and to feel frustrated.”

I knew that I would have to say goodbye to her one day, but when I remember her days in good health, my mouth becomes dry, my chest becomes tight and I lose my appetite. How can I recover?

— M, Tochigi Prefecture

Dear Mr. M:

I can feel your pain from the words you wrote. It must be tough.

However, I’m sure you did your best to take care of your dog after she was diagnosed with cancer. It’s thanks to your nursing that she was able to go for walks all the way up until two days before she died.

And those walks must have been happy memories for her. There’s no way a dog like that felt lonely or suffered. I believe she passed away peacefully in the end and escaped from the pain of her illness.

She worked hard as a breeding dog and spent the rest of her life happily, wrapped in your love. If you lost your vitality, it would make your dog sad.

Are you sharing your feelings of loss with your family? Sometimes pain can feel less intense when it is put into words.

The grief of losing a dog is something that only the owner can understand.

There are places online where people who have lost pets share their grief and suffering. It would be nice if you could share your feelings with others who feel the same way.

However, if your chest continues to feel tight and your mouth continues to become dry, please do not hesitate to consider seeking help, such as from a counselor.

— Tomomi Fujiwara, writer