I’m Worried about My Son’s Behavior as He Was Caught Shoplifting

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:47 JST, June 1, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female part-time employee in my 40s. My husband is a company employee, and we have three sons in junior high and high school.

The other day, my youngest son, who is in his first year of junior high, shoplifted with a friend.

The store called the police, who questioned him, and he regrets what he did. My husband and I were both very shocked, and our whole family can no longer laugh and be carefree.

When he was in elementary school, he was a well-behaved boy in public but selfish at home. Unfortunately, he was teased and bullied, which made him feel bad.

His current homeroom teacher told me that he has become friends with a group of mischievous kids who tease and bully others and make their classmates uncomfortable. I’m worried my son is behaving badly out of fear of becoming a target again.

My husband and I are trying very hard to talk to him about not doing anything bad. How can we convey this in a way that will get through to him?

F, Chiba Prefecture

Dear Ms. F:

It is understandable that your family is in shock after the shoplifting incident. Moreover, because the homeroom teacher told you that your child is friends with a group of mischievous kids, I can understand your concern for his future.

It is not unusual for a quiet child to suddenly become friends with a group of conspicuous children at the start of junior high school. Many children wish to change their behavior because of the painful experiences they had during elementary school.

Of course, the shoplifting itself is impermissible, but try viewing it as lucky for him that it was discovered at this time. If he had not been caught, he might have been more likely to have continued behaving badly with his friends.

Aside from the shoplifting, why not take this opportunity to openly express to him that as his parents, you and your husband are concerned about his friendships? Find out why he is hanging out with these children and if he has anything troubling him. Ask him what he thinks of their behavior, which annoys his classmates. Try to encourage him to tell you his true feelings about what he really wants to do.

Relay that information to his homeroom teacher and ask them to keep an eye on your son.

Your son understands how hard it is to be bullied. During his adolescence, I hope he will try to develop the ability to look at himself objectively.

Naoki Ogi, education commentator