I Find It Hard to Feel Happy About My Sister’s Marriage, Pregnancy

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:15 JST, May 25, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 20s working in international trade. My younger sister got married and became pregnant before me. I don’t know if “struggling” is the right word to describe how I feel, but I’ve got this constant feeling of unease.

I haven’t dated anyone or had anyone I like for a long time. I think it’s due to my growing anxiety about marriage and pregnancy.

My sister shares videos of the ultrasounds she gets during her prenatal checkups to our family Line group chat, updating us about her physical condition and any changes in her body. Everyone in the family except me looks forward to the videos and messages she sends.

The thing is, when I learned that she was pregnant, I couldn’t say “congratulations.”

I want to properly congratulate her, but when I think about doing it, I can’t stop crying.

Am I a terrible sister because I can’t just feel happy for her?

— W, Kyoto Prefecture

Dear Ms. W:

It is said that the number of options for how a person can live their life has increased. Nevertheless, there is still a strong tendency to believe that women’s happiness lies in getting married and having children. This is considered their contribution to society and their pathway to womanhood.

It is quite understandable if you feel uneasy about your sister’s pregnancy. Please don’t blame yourself for being unable to feel happy.

In fact, I don’t think there are that many people who can truly rejoice in the happiness of others. In order to do that, a person needs to be leading a fulfilling and satisfying life themselves.

First of all, you should put some distance between yourself and your sister’s Line messages. Think about what you can do to make yourself happy and how you can lead a fulfilling life.

If you are not satisfied with your own life, seeing not only your sister but anyone happy will make you feel uneasy.

It’s not so simple to live a satisfying life. But you already have a professional job and a foundation for independence. I think that’s wonderful and something you should cherish.

I would suggest you look for something you can work on that interests you. In my experience, when you focus on improving yourself through studying, playing sports or something like that, you feel less concerned about what’s going on around you.

— Junko Umihara, psychiatrist