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I’m a man in my early 50s, and I work in nursing care. I’m divorced and want to remarry, but I’m having trouble finding someone.
I’ve been on a matchmaking app for about a year now, but I’m thinking of deleting my profile soon because everyone on it is either not taking it seriously or a catfish.
I cannot afford to join a marriage agency. I’m worried about what I should do.
When I visit my parents’ house, my father often says, “Hurry up and give me grandchildren.” My mother seems to have given up on me remarrying and says nothing about it.
I don’t want to grow old like this and die alone. Please give me some advice on what I should do.
— J, Tokyo
Dear Mr. J:
I understand that you don’t want to die alone, but would you be happy if you only got married to avoid that? Even if you get married, you might get divorced, or your partner might die before you.
An online dating app allows you to meet people easily, but at the same time you get judged based on your profile and first impression. So maybe it wasn’t right for you.
What’s important in old age is whether you have a place to belong. Why not put the energy you’ve been spending on finding a partner into creating that place for yourself?
I’m researching the marital views of middle-aged and older singles and have noticed through interviews that active single people have somewhere to go outside of work.
Some people spend time with the owner of their favorite pub or with drinking buddies, while others who own pets chat with other pet owners every week. An older man whom I interviewed joined a fan club for a pop star and supports his favorite performer with young people. Many are involved in volunteer work or have hobbies.
If you have somewhere to go, you can stay linked to society even after retirement. You’ll be able to live with a little more peace of mind if there are people who care about you, even a little.
