I’m Sick and Tired of Worrying about What My Mother Thinks

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:19 JST, March 9, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m an unemployed woman in my late 20s and am sick of worrying about what my mother thinks when I make important life decisions.

When I was deciding where to go for high school and university, I took entrance exams for the schools my mother and cram school teachers recommended. Even though I was looking for jobs on my own, I ended up working for a company my mother found information about.

I felt the schools and jobs my mother recommended weren’t bad, so I convinced myself they were OK with simple reasons like “the school uniform is cute” and “the company has a good reputation.” As a result, I’ve been able to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Recently, my mother has started saying, “Aren’t you glad you listened to me?” This bothers me, because it feels like she’s denying my abilities.

A while ago, I left my job to find a better one and didn’t talk to my mother about it. She has been interfering with my job search, and some of the companies she has suggested are the ones I want to work for.

If I end up working for one of them, she’ll probably say, “Aren’t you glad you listened to me?” How can I stick to my ideas and make the right decision?

— E, Tochigi Prefecture

Dear Ms. E:

Your mother seems to have a lot to say about what you do. This shows how much she cares about you.

However, as you are already an adult, you probably feel she is nagging you.

Even though you can do just fine without her advice, you probably feel like she’s denying your ability to do things on your own.

Try to think of your mother’s words as just her opinion. You should try to focus more on the things you have already achieved.

“Aren’t you glad you listened to me?” is your mother’s favorite phrase. However, you have always followed your ideas when choosing your path for the future.

Even if your mother or your cram school teachers recommended a particular university, you chose the university you applied to and enrolled. It must have been the same with finding a job. At such times, you were able to include your mother’s opinion as an option.

You have the ability to make your own decisions, as you left your job to find a better one. This is why your choices so far have not led to anything bad. Believe in your abilities and move forward.

— Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist