I’m Struggling Because I Feel Hatred Toward My Brother’s Wife

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:16 JST, February 16, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a single woman in my 40s and a school employee. I’m struggling because I feel hatred toward my brother’s wife.

My brother got engaged to an older woman after four months of dating, despite objections from the entire family, and married her after living with her for a month. They started dating each other while she was still attached to another man and could not forget about him.

My brother is warm-hearted and kind, and he got certified as a social worker to help people in need.

Her upbringing is also different from my brother’s. Her parents are divorced. She and her siblings support their parents’ living expenses. Her parents also get welfare. Her sister is a single mother and her brother is a YouTuber.

My father, a university professor, strongly opposed my brother’s marriage, saying he did not want to be related to her. My mother was against it too, but she says she respects my brother’s feelings.

I would support my brother if he was with someone he felt comfortable with, but she is all about giving orders and I don’t feel any kindness or compassion from her.

I’m so worried about my brother’s future that I’ve become ill. How should I deal with my brother, his wife and my in-laws?

— H, location withheld

Dear Ms. H:

You see your brother, who is a good person, as being captured by a strong woman.

For your brother, however, this must be happiness that he has finally found. She may seem self-centered to you, but when she is alone with your brother, she may be kinder than you think.

In any case, do not stick your nose into your brother’s business and just keep an eye on him.

Nowadays, if you are against a couple getting married because they grew up in different family environments, then fewer people will be able to get married. I think you worry too much. Besides, there is no need to force yourself to have a close relationship with your in-laws just because you are related to them.

I think you just have to fulfill your social obligations as an in-law.

And I think it would be better for you to take the attitude of helping your brother when he asks for your advice.

Use your power to make your own life fulfilling and enjoyable.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor