I Want to Move to My Hometown, But Is It OK to Leave My Husband behind?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, July 16, 2023

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 40s and I left my hometown when I got married. Now, I live with my daughter, who is a sixth grader in elementary school, and my husband.

Recently, I quit my job of 16 years because I was being harassed at the office. It has been difficult as I live only 2 kilometers from the company, so I still feel emotionally raw. I have been depressed since I was forced to leave my job.

I have been seeing a psychiatrist, who has told me that I have an adjustment disorder. They told me that unless I eliminate the source of my stress, I will not get better.

I’m thinking about returning to my parents’ house in my hometown and starting over. My parents have also been telling me I should come back home since I’m sick.

If I decide to move, I would ask my husband, who has a job, to stay behind, and take my daughter to live with me.

My husband and daughter seem to understand my desire, but they haven’t necessarily agreed to it.

My daughter likes her current school, and I think it would be difficult for her to make all new friends in junior high. My husband seems to think I’ll feel better as time passes.

I’m wondering if it’s OK for me to sacrifice my family for this.

O, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Ms. O:

It’s difficult to continue living someplace where you had a bad experience. These memories could easily be triggered, and the pain will also come back.

If that is the case, then separating yourself from your current living situation is definitely a good thing. Your desire to make a fresh start is important. Embrace that positive attitude.

However, it is probably difficult to forget your past, and something small might bring those memories back. Nevertheless, if your life becomes more fulfilling, you will be able to recover.

For that reason, your family is vital. It is reassuring to have people around you who understand. Explain to your husband that you are not returning to your hometown to escape your current life, but to gain the life you want.

It shows your kindness that you are concerned about your daughter’s feelings. But maybe trust the strength of your daughter, who enjoys going to her current school.

I’m sure she will be able to make new friends at her new school. This could be what allows her to grow even more.

I haven’t lived with my parents since junior high. It was a difficult experience for me, but I matured quite a bit because of it.

We have the power to prevent our own experiences from becoming negative ones.

Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist