My sons’ wives lack common decency, don’t pick up calls or return text messages

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:20 JST, September 18, 2022

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a 75-year-old mother of two sons. They were raised in a loving household, and we were a happy family. Now, they are both married, and I have four grandchildren.

I obviously adore my sons, but I always wanted a daughter. People who have daughters always seem to have a lot of fun, as they come over often or go out together.

So, instead, I treat my sons’ wives as if they are my own daughters. However, it’s not going well.

Unlike my mild-mannered sons, they seem to be demanding and never say a kind word to me. Sometimes, they don’t pick up my calls or reply to my text messages. I always call back or reply to their messages. Isn’t it just common decency?

Are all young people these days like this? Is it something they don’t do unless they were scolded or told to do so by their parents?

I don’t know how to deal with them. I feel like I would like them more if they called me mom, as it would bring us a bit closer. What do you think?

W, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Ms. W:

How about not taking things so seriously?

For example, when they don’t reply to your text messages, just assume that they are busy. It probably won’t bother you if you think about what’s convenient for the other person.

It’s your principle to always return calls or reply to text messages. It’s not something that should be forced onto others. You are annoyed with their actions because you decided that it’s common decency.

You are making yourself unapproachable. Why not loosen your rules on how people should behave?

In other words, if you don’t care what others do, they will probably lower their guard and open themselves up to you. How we interact with others depends on our attitude. It’s not difficult.

Make sure you don’t complain about this to your sons, as it might negatively affect their home life.

Young people have a new way of living. Unless they do something inexcusable, parents shouldn’t say anything.

Tatsuro Dekune, writer