My Spendthrift Mother Constantly Asks Me for Money

The Yomiuri Shimbun

21:00 JST, February 23, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female part-time worker in my 40s. I’m married and have two children. My mother lives with my brother, and since they’re both spendthrifts, she frequently asks me for money.

The other day, she demanded: “Give me money to buy a water heater.” When I refused, she told me firmly, “I’ve spent so much on you over the years, you can at least do this much for me.”

I reluctantly gave her several hundred thousand yen, telling her “this is the last time.” However, she has once again asked me to pay for her credit card payments. When I reminded her that I said there wouldn’t be a next time, she said, “So you want me to die?”

When I try to contact my brother, he ignores me.

I’m already strapped for cash with my children’s educational expenses and mortgage payments. Both my mother and brother work, so why should I have to give money? It’s infuriating.

I’m too ashamed to tell my husband. She will probably keep demanding help in the future. How should I handle this?

— X, Hyogo Prefecture

Dear Ms. X:

Your mother is still working, so she must be in good physical and mental health. If that is the case, it makes absolutely no sense for her to constantly demand money from her daughter, who lives in a separate household.

“This is the last time” is a common phrase used by people who keep borrowing money. Your mother probably intended it to be the last time when she asked you for money. But if she is not able to make ends meet, she will soon need more money.

So, your mother turns to you, as she believes you will help her, pleading with threats and tearful pleas. I think it’s just a cycle repeating itself.

If you truly want to refuse her requests for money, you need to cut off all contact. I think you should stop answering her calls and quit responding to her emails or Line app messages.

The reason you have not gone that far is probably because, deep down, you still care about your mother and hesitate to cut off contact.

Why not make up your mind and refuse firmly? As trouble can be expected, it is best to explain the situation to your husband beforehand.

That way, either your mother or your brother will have to figure out what to do with the credit card payments. Ultimately, that is the best thing for both of them.

— Yoko Sanuki, lawyer