I Get Stressed out Whenever My Son and His Family Visit; It Might Be Time to Make Some Space

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:45 JST, February 1, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 50s working part-time. I live with my pensioner husband, who is in his 60s.

My son, who is in his 30s and lives in a neighboring prefecture, is married and has a little child. He and his family visit us several times a year, and when they do, they clearly take for granted that they are guests, which really stresses me out.

My son complains about the food I serve and the portion sizes, and he visibly sulks when he is not happy with the temperature of the room. Also, his wife shows no willingness to help me clear the table or the kitchen after we eat.

We pay for everything while they are staying with us, even when we go out to eat. And the only thing they bring is a box of inexpensive sweets.

Even when we offered them several millions of yen to help them buy their house, they only thanked us briefly. My husband avoids the topic, saying, “They come here so we can spend time with our grandchild, so don’t go nitpicking.”

But I get tired, and the financial burden on us is no joke. If things stay the way they are, I don’t want them coming to stay with us anymore. What should I do?

— Z, Tochigi Prefecture

Dear Ms. Z:

How about asking your son and his family to stop coming to your place for a while? I say this because neither you nor your son are enjoying the visits.

Your heart is broken because no matter how much help and hospitality you give them, it is not reciprocated. Meanwhile, it seems certain that your son finds visiting you and his father bothersome. I don’t know whether he feels no gratitude or whether he cannot be honest about his feelings because your support is a burden on him.

Even if their gift looks inexpensive, it is possible for it to affect the household finances of a young family. They may be coming to you despite that, feeling obliged to bring you your grandchild.

Now, how about making a suggestion to him: “You don’t have to force yourself to return home.” I think he would not take the suggestion negatively if you added, “Traveling can take a physical toll on a young child, and I’d prefer if you used the time and money you would spend on the trip on your family, such as eating something delicious.”

You and your husband seem to want to see your grandchild very much, particularly your husband. But nowadays you can do that remotely on your smartphone or computer. Increase those types of interactions with them while reducing your in-person meetings. I hope that someday it will be effortless to meet each other with smiles.

— Masami Ohinata, university president