My Boss Treats the Death of My Grandmother as Equal to That of Her Cat

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:30 JST, January 25, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female painter in my 30s. Besides being a professional painter, I also work as a freelancer. My grandmother passed away after a surgical operation for a heart condition in 2024.

When I spoke to my boss about the death of my grandmother, she cut in and started talking about her own pet, saying, “My cat died too, and I’m so sad.”

She said the cat was over 20 years old and died of old age, and she was able to be by the cat when it died.

People say that a pet is like a family member, but I’ve never kept an animal myself. I like cats just fine, but it’s hard to sympathize with her. I can’t accept my grandmother being considered equal to her pet.

My boss usually prioritizes what she wants to talk about, and gives no thought to others. There is a streak of kindness in her manner, but she lacks consideration for how others feel.

I understand she’s that kind of person, and I tell myself, “She’s just being her usual self.”

This time, however, I don’t think I can tolerate her. I want to forgive her, but what should I do?

— Q, Tokyo

Dear Ms. Q:

In this world, people prioritize their own lives over those of animals. Human society is built based on that hierarchy.

But this doesn’t mean every individual’s heart is like that.

It is natural for a pet owner to feel more pain and grief over the death of a beloved cat than that of another person. For anyone, losing a life that is deeply connected to them is the hardest thing.

However, letting such feelings guide one to selfishly interrupt another when they are talking is not the right thing to do.

It’s a rude attitude, showing his or her immaturity as an adult.

This isn’t about whether one can sympathize with the other person or not, rather it is a matter of manners.

I understand your resentment well, but your boss’ attitude is probably “usual” for her. If so, rather than forgiving her, you had better convince yourself that she simply lacks manners. So, think of her as a good example of how not to behave and don’t waste time thinking about her attitude.

Anger toward others will hurt you, too.

The only people who will accept your feelings and stand by you are those who feel your sorrow as their own. Speak with such people and forget this unpleasant experience.

— Tomomi Fujiwara, writer