My Daughter No Longer Speaks to Me, But I Want to See Her and My Grandchild

The Yomiuri Shimbun

15:28 JST, November 30, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a self-employed woman in my 60s, and I have three children.

My son took over the family business and has children. My elder daughter, who is not married, has acquired special skills for her job. My younger daughter, who has a daughter, is married and lives near Tokyo.

My younger daughter no longer speaks to me or my husband since last autumn but still keeps in touch with her siblings.

I really want to see my daughter and my granddaughter, but my granddaughter gets motion sick, so she can’t travel here. My son-in-law has kindly offered to bring her to see us if we’re nearby, but that hasn’t happened yet, as he is busy and I’m not in the best health.

My younger daughter was difficult to raise, even when she was young. Her rebellious phase was really bad, so I thought about giving up on her numerous times. When my daughter became an adult, I told her this several times, and it seems to have hurt her feelings.

My husband says that he was too strict when raising her.

I’m desperately waiting for her to contact me, which is very painful. What should I do?

— W, Tochigi Prefecture

Dear Ms. W:

Raising children is hard for everyone. Many parents struggle, especially during the rebellious years.

Having gone through that experience, you raised three children with your husband and can now see each of them growing up and doing well in their careers or having families. This is truly wonderful.

It must be difficult that you cannot get in touch with your younger daughter. I understand how you must feel sad due to not being able to see your grandchild.

However, even though she is your child, your daughter is now an adult with her own family. Like you, she seems to be thinking about her husband and daughter and doing what’s best for her family.

Your daughter and her husband are considerate of their daughter’s motion sickness. Her husband says that he would bring their daughter to see you if you’re nearby. Furthermore, your daughter still keeps in touch with her siblings. It doesn’t seem like she has cut off all ties with your family.

While the exact reason she doesn’t speak to you and your husband isn’t clear, perhaps for now, you should consider watching your daughter’s efforts from afar. If you do that, she might reach out one day.

— Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist