Husband Changed Jobs without Talking to Me, but Refuses to Discuss Finances

The Yomiuri Shimbun

12:11 JST, October 26, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female office worker in my 30s. I had a child last year, and my husband changed jobs just before the birth so he could earn more money.

However, he became mentally exhausted, as he did not get along with his new supervisor, and became unable to go to work about three months after starting his new job.

He took about a month off and then decided to start a new job without talking to me. The new job has fewer days off and a significantly lower salary.

He prioritized money when considering a job change the first time, but this time, he made a decision based on what he wanted to do and what he felt he was capable of doing.

I’m on maternity leave and plan to return to work. I currently work part-time, but we’ll likely end up in the red even if I work full-time in the future. Whenever I try to discuss household finances with my husband, he becomes irritable, and we end up fighting.

I’m frustrated that he decided on a job without considering our family. I’m also upset by his refusal to discuss the situation and am worried about our finances. It has me feeling depressed every day.

How can I shift my mindset to accept this situation?

V, Mie Prefecture

Dear Ms. V:

There are things you must do before accepting the current situation with your husband, who has decided on a job without discussing it with you and avoids talking about finances.

It is because even if you accept the situation, there seems to be little chance that your husband’s attitude will change. Clearly divide household chores with your husband if you return to work, as you two will have to handle both chores and childcare.

If you two will still be in the red after you return to work full-time, your household finances will likely eventually collapse.

What needs to be done first is for you and your husband to talk about the household budget. If he avoids discussing the issue, becomes evasive or gets upset, you need to seriously consider whether you should stay with him.

Does your husband tend to avoid difficult situations? You should make it very clear that you cannot live with him if he continues to refuse to talk about the household budget.

It is not healthy to suppress your dissatisfaction and endure. Please talk with your husband so you can happily raise your child.

Junko Umihara, psychiatrist