My Son’s Wife Is Selfish, Refuses to Work Despite Financial Struggles

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:13 JST, October 26, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my 60s, and I live with my husband. Our son married after graduating from university and has two children. He and his wife bought a condominium a few years ago.

Our son and his wife were struggling to make ends meet and their debts were piling up, so we had to take over repaying their debts.

However, his wife refuses to work. My son said even when he gently suggested she work at least a little, she flew into a rage, shouting things like, “It’s all my fault, isn’t it?!” It’s impossible to have a discussion with her. My husband and I also tried to reason with her, but nothing changed.

Our son’s wife has always been self-centered, and I’ve never felt that she cares about our son. Now that she’s a mother of two, I wonder why she won’t consider working even a little.

I know we shouldn’t interfere in their marriage, but since we took over their debts, I feel we have the right to say something.

Both my husband and I have chronic illnesses, so it will be difficult for us to continue to support them financially. I’m incredibly worried about the future of our son and grandchildren. What should I do?

O, Tokyo

Dear Ms. O:

You’re frustrated about how selfishly your son’s wife is living. You feel as if she doesn’t grasp the reality of the situation in which she has to take care of two children while struggling financially to the point that she and your son have had to take out loans.

It also seems like she does not care about your son.

I understand how angry you are at seeing such a situation. However, you have to be careful. If you act in anger, that anger will be felt by the other side, and they will feel resentful.

You live separately from your son’s family, correct? If so, you and your husband are running a separate household from your son and his wife. If you constantly offer your opinions, it’s likely to make them feel uncomfortable.

In that case, even if you do something you believe is good for them, it could actually make the situation worse.

Even if they face financial hardship or divorce, that is an issue between them. Only he and his wife can decide what to do.

It must be painful for you to just watch and not do anything. But just focus on cherishing your life with your husband.

Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist