My Husband Didn’t Return to Japan with Me for My Father’s Funeral

The Yomiuri Shimbun

15:18 JST, October 19, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my 30s. I live in the United States due to my husband’s work.

My father died recently, and I was the only one who traveled to Japan to attend the funeral. It felt incredibly lonely and disheartening that my husband wasn’t there to see my father off.

I told my husband several times that I wanted him to come with me, but he refused, saying he had work. He had plenty of time before the funeral. His visa wasn’t an issue, and his company would have covered the full cost of his flight.

My husband is kind and helps with household chores. However, I feel my trust in him has been shaken, because I’m not sure if I will be able to rely on him during the most difficult times in my life, like my father’s funeral. If our positions were reversed, I would have gone to Japan with him.

Later, I honestly shared my feelings with him. He deeply apologized, expressing regret and saying he had done something irreparable.

However, I still can’t easily sort out my emotions. How can we rebuild trust as a couple moving forward?

M, the United States

Dear Ms. M:

How heartbreaking it must have been to attend your father’s funeral alone. It’s only natural you feel a deep emotional rift with your husband, who chose not to be there even though he was able to travel with you and you repeatedly asked him to do so.

His actions seem to have crossed a line which you find unforgivable. But perhaps it was difficult to understand how anxious he felt about being in an unfamiliar job in the United States.

I am very impressed by how you honestly expressed your feelings to your husband. I believe this shows that, despite your anger, you haven’t given up on him.

Your husband was full of regret and apologized, saying he had done something “irreparable.” I believe he did that because he sensed your love for him and cherishes you just as deeply as you care about him.

There may be more occasions going forward in which you will both encounter differences in your values. A husband and a wife are two different people raised in different environments. It’s common for them to think in different ways.

Each time this happens, it’s important to openly express your doubts or dissatisfaction, just as you did this time, and discuss them. I think it is precisely through this process that two people who are fundamentally different can become true partners.

Masami Ohinata, university president