I am Shocked After Finding out My Son is Infertile

The Yomiuri Shimbun

17:12 JST, August 31, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female salesperson in my 50s. My son and his wife, who have been married for two years, recently found out he is infertile after they started fertility treatment. I’m shocked and can’t get over this as his parent.

My daughter-in-law is kind and gentle. I had imagined she would become a caring mother.

More than anything else, I’m deeply sorry that I cannot give her the joy of motherhood. I feel sad about being unable to offer her the invaluable experience of becoming a parent and a chance to grow through that experience.

I also feel bad about being unable to offer my daughter-in-law’s parents the chance to see their grandchild. My husband and I also find it painful that we cannot have a grandchild. We feel a sense of responsibility as his parents.

How should I act toward our son and his wife, as well as her parents, from now on?

— O, Yamaguchi Prefecture

Dear Ms. O:

You described your son’s physical condition but not his feelings. I do not know how he came to accept his infertility and how much he suffered before sharing that information with the two of you.

I also do not know if he and his wife will seek more advanced medical treatment, adopt a child or live without children.

The ones truly suffering are your son and his wife. Even though you are his parents, you must respect your son, as he is an independent adult. I believe there is nothing you can do except quietly watch over your son and his wife.

Don’t ever say things like, “I’m sorry that I can’t make you become a mother” or “I feel sorry that I cannot give your parents the chance to see their grandchild.” Such words, though meant to comfort, are so sharp that they can pierce the hearts of your son and his wife.

They are the ones struggling the most. If you want to tell them something, put your words in a letter to them.

Currently, one in about 4.4 couples has sought fertility treatment, and the number is on the rise. Whether the cause is unknown or biological, infertility is no one’s fault.

Your grief is not yours alone. You can now imagine those in the same situation. I hope you will use this sorrow you have come to know to better your life from tomorrow onward.

— Hazuki Saisho, writer