My Wife is Pregnant, But I Want a Divorce Because We Have Different Values

The Yomiuri Shimbun

13:13 JST, May 4, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male company employee in my 30s. I’ve been married for three years, and my wife is six months pregnant. I’m thinking about getting a divorce because we don’t share the same values.

My wife thinks that I should pay for all the household expenses as the husband, but I think that she should also help since we both work.

I didn’t like her idea but respected her opinion for the time being. I was optimistic and thought things would change once we have a baby.

When we went to our favorite slightly high-end restaurant the other day, I told her that we won’t be able to eat here as often once the baby is born. But my wife looked confused.

She said she had no intention of changing her standard of living after giving birth and that I should continue to pay for all the expenses. I was speechless.

My wife doesn’t like to talk about things, so we can’t reach some kind of compromise. Our child will be born soon, but I’m feeling more anxious than excited.

I’m feeling more strongly that I want to get a divorce to make things easier. What should I do?

J, Tokyo

Dear Mr. J:

It’s not just that you feel as if you don’t share the same values, but you’re also no longer in love with her, so you’re considering getting a divorce.

In general, divorce is possible in Western countries if one party wants one. This means that couples need to work to find a compromise by having discussions, so they won’t be hated by the other party.

However, in Japan, unless someone cheats or there is domestic violence, divorce is rarely granted if only one party wants one. I don’t think your wife will agree to a divorce, even if neither of you care for each other, as you’re necessary for her to maintain her lifestyle.

The only way to get away from the situation is if you play the bad guy. You could get a divorce by separating and going through mediation or court procedures on the grounds that you two have different values.

However, this process will take time, and people might view you differently. You might also experience financial hardship. You could choose this option if you don’t mind the negatives.

Why don’t you try and see your marriage as a partnership to raise a child? Try to manage the family finances without your wife by telling her it is for the sake of your child.

You can raise your child while expressing your opinions, even if you cannot discuss things with your wife. I’m not sure if your marriage will continue, but you can consider this time as a period of self-growth.

Masahiro Yamada, university professor