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I’m a homemaker in my 50s. I need your advice about my husband, who is a company employee and is around the same age as me. He’s a serious person, but he always has a mobile phone in one hand and an earphone in one ear. He doesn’t talk at all to me or our two children, who are working adults but still live with us.
Since our children were young, I have repeatedly told my husband: “Conversation is important. I want you to talk with our children and listen to them to give them advice.” I’ve also said, “If you don’t talk to me, I don’t know what you are thinking,” but he hasn’t changed.
My children also said that they can’t remember the last time they spoke with their father, adding that they dislike him because “he has no interest in us and thinks it’s normal.”
When my parents, who live far away, visited our home, my husband did not care about how they were doing. He left the table as soon as he finished dinner to watch TV and play with his mobile phone.
Conversations are always one-sided. I’m considering divorce, but I’m not sure if I can make a living as I’m undergoing treatment for breast cancer, which costs a lot of money.
— O, Osaka Prefecture
Dear Ms. O:
When I read your letter, I couldn’t understand why you married your husband.
Has he been this way since you began dating? I assume you and your husband must have been able to have some conversations back then.
As you said, your children, who are working adults, also have no recollection of ever having chats with their father. As they have pointed out, it seems that your husband has no interest in the family.
I got the impression that his lack of interest extends not just to your family but everyone other than himself. It won’t change anything to say this now, but he is not suited to married life.
You have been making a great effort to get your husband to talk to people around him. But I think it has all been in vain, just like pouring water into a sieve.
It is only natural that you want a divorce. However, I’m worried about your life after the divorce, as you are still going through medical treatment. I would suggest that you wait to get a divorce until you have regained your health.
Instead, stop wasting your energy and try to avoid feeling stressed. You get angry because you think of your husband as a human being. So think of him as a decoration or a piece of furniture. A desk or a chair won’t annoy you even if it never says a word.
