My Now-Retired Husband Continues to Splash Money Around

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, December 15, 2024

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my mid-60s. My husband enjoyed playing pachinko and mahjong before we got married. He racked up a debt of ¥2 million with his company.

He told me that after we tied the knot, he wouldn’t indulge in such pastimes as much and he would be able to pay back his debt. This convinced me to marry him.

However, over the years that followed, my husband continued to splash cash on golf, pachinko and drinking parties. He was unable to save any money. Despite earning a high salary, he hardly spent any of it on our children’s education. I also worked part-time.

My husband’s debt with his company had not been reduced, so he spent his retire-ment lump sum on paying it back.

After my husband retired, his extravagant spending continued despite his reduced income. He would withdraw money three times a day from the convenience store, and I’m absolutely certain he was using it to play pachinko.

When I asked him about this, he casually lied to me and said he wasn’t playing pa-chinko. I can’t respect my husband, and my feelings of disdain for him have grown stronger.

I’m worried about my day-to-day life, so I intend to continue living in the same house as him while pretending not to see his wasteful splurges. However, it’s painful to live this way while thinking about the fact that my savings could soon run out.

L, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Ms. L:

It is natural that you feel disdain for a husband who did not keep the promise he made at the time you got married and now has no qualms about lying to you. But despite this, are you torn over whether you should continue to turn a blind eye to what is going on?

Even if you were, for instance, able to go about your normal life while still living in the same house but keeping a distance from your husband, the household budget is a separate matter entirely.

If the amount of money available for your children’s education was reduced due to your husband’s lavish spending in the past, that is a problem. This might sound harsh, but please be aware that you also bear some responsibility for allowing him to fritter away his money for many years.

I wonder if your husband is not simply a spendthrift, but in fact might have a predis-position to a dependence on gambling. Pachinko can also be called a form of gambling. Mahjong and golf could also fall into this category if the participants put money on the line.

Many people get sucked into gambling and splashing money around when they have more time on their hands after retiring. As your husband’s income has now declined, it is conceivable that he could borrow money to spend on gambling.

Your first step is to make your husband clearly promise to stop gambling. Decide on a set period of time to closely monitor him.

If that doesn’t work, you also have the option of leaving him. If you choose this path, please carefully research what a divorce involves and act wisely to ensure you put yourself in a sound position, financially and otherwise.

Tomomi Fujiwara, writer