Is It OK to Help Others for Selfish Reasons?
11:30 JST, February 4, 2024
Dear Troubleshooter:
I’m a homemaker in my 60s. When I was in my 30s, I drove past a wheelchair user who was stuck outside in a sudden rain. When I got home, I felt great remorse, wondering why I didn’t go back and do something for that person.
Since then, whenever I see someone in trouble, I’ve always tried to reach out to them. I don’t want to regret pretending I didn’t notice them.
For example, accidents often occur at an intersection with blind spots near my home. When I noticed there had been an accident, I reached out to the drivers to ask if they were injured and called an ambulance.
My two sons, since they were students, have spontaneously given up their seats on trains to elderly people or helped those with luggage on the stairs at stations.
However, the other day, my daughter told me that I do good deeds because I just want others to think I’m a nice person, and I couldn’t say anything back.
Maybe I do just like thinking I’m a “good person.”
I know that even if it’s self-congratulatory, if doing good makes someone else happy, that’s all that matters. But I still don’t know how to feel. Please tell me how I should look at this.
— H, Aichi Prefecture
Dear Ms. H:
Compared to other developed countries, Japan regrettably does not have a good reputation due to its low levels of donations and volunteerism. I believe one of the reasons for this is because some people disparage such actions as merely publicity stunts or for self-satisfaction.
It must be hard to hear similar remarks coming from your own daughter.
But as you said, your actions do make people around you happy. When those around you are happy, you feel happy too. There is nothing wrong with wishing for your own happiness. It is wonderful that your sons understand that.
Your daughter may be saying such things for attention. Perhaps she wants your love to be directed only to her and not to others.
Maybe she is troubled by something. How about taking her out for a meal, maybe go on a trip, and lend your ear to her?
— Masahiro Yamada, university professor
"Features" POPULAR ARTICLE
-
Liven Up the Dinner Table With Homemade Ham
-
Illumination Event to Open at Classic Garden in Tokyo
-
New Fantasy Springs Area at Tokyo DisneySea Unveiled to Press
-
Low Tide Connects Enoshima Island Directly to Honshu; Tourists Enjoy Natural Phenomenon
-
Kyoto’s Aoi Festival Showcases Ancient Japanese Attire; Estimated 35,000 People Watch Procession from Roadside
JN ACCESS RANKING
- Weakening Yen Adds Complexity to BOJ’s Rate Hike Decisions; Rising Commodity Prices may Impact ‘Virtuous Cycle’ Efforts
- Japanese Seafood Exports to China Sink 57% in FY23; U.S. Becomes Largest Seafood Export Destination
- Half of New NISA Investments Went to Japanese Stocks
- 70% of Japan Companies to Raise Pay Scales in FY 2024
- ASEAN Plus 3 Share Concerns About Excessive Exchange Rate Fluctuation; Seeking Stability in Exchange Rate