My Daughter-In-Law, Grandson Are Verbally Abused by My Son

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:35 JST, March 8, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female part-time worker in my 60s. My son, who is in his 40s, lives with his wife of the same age and their elementary school-aged son.

For several years now, it seems that my son has exhibited terrifying behavior toward them whenever something displeases him. He apparently becomes enraged, refuses to speak until they apologize, ignores them or throws objects.

Recently, according to his wife, he insisted on taking the family out to eat because, in his words, he wanted to “make my son eat food that he dislikes.” Fearing the consequences of defying him, my daughter-in-law and grandson complied.

However, he became furious that my grandson barely touched his food. He forced my grandson to apologize and reduced him to tears after returning home, she said.

He also appears to disparage his wife in front of their son. She says that living at home is like lying on a bed of nails. Despite being verbally abusive toward his wife and own child, he has not shown such behavior toward my husband and I.

I’m frustrated because I can only listen, yet I desperately want to help them before their spirits are broken. What should I do?

L, Saitama Prefecture

Dear Ms. L:

I’m deeply concerned that your son’s behavior at home may constitute domestic violence against his wife and psychological abuse for his child.

Even if there is no direct physical violence, throwing objects, extreme outbursts of anger and giving them the silent treatment until they apologize inflicts immense fear and anxiety. It is a common pattern for an abuser to act perfectly normal toward outsiders while acting completely different with their family.

I think this situation requires professional intervention as soon as possible. Contact the liaison for domestic violence provided by your local municipality. It is perfectly acceptable for you to seek advice even though you are not the direct victim.

Once you have gathered the necessary knowledge and information, share it with your daughter-in-law and support her so that she can eventually reach out for professional advice herself.

I believe you have clearly looked after your son’s family with great affection. I can imagine how much your daughter-in-law and grandson rely on you.

Resolving these issues even through professional institutions will likely take a long time. In the meantime, continue to be the person who holds them close and provides them with emotional refuge.

Yoko Sanuki, lawyer