I’m disgusted by my husband’s voyeuristic behavior

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:29 JST, November 6, 2022

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a homemaker in my 40s and being abused by my husband. He abuses me in many ways, but recently, he has been secretly taking photos and videos of me after my bath. I was trying to put up with it, but it occurred so frequently that I talked to police and my relatives.

The reason why I didn’t stop him right away was because my child wants to maintain our financially comfortable life. As a result, I’m forced to endure being in a loveless marriage against my wishes as we live separate lives under the same roof. I’m disgusted that I have to live with a pervert.

My husband works from home, so he’s always around. He seems to rummage about the house when I’m not there. It even disgusts me to think of him being around my child.

Whether I stay home or go out, it’s difficult for me. My young son doesn’t understand how disgusting it is for a family member to secretly take photos and videos of the others. It’s painful to think that I have to continue to live like this.

U, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Ms. U:

You say you are currently in a loveless marriage, living separate lives under the same roof against your wishes. What are your wishes then?

I imagine you want to get a divorce and cut ties with your husband. But, your son wants the financially comfortable life he has now, so you continue to put up with it. It seems to me that you made a very unreasonable choice.

There are specialized rehabilitation programs for people who engage in such voyeuristic activities. I wonder what your husband thinks about his own proclivity, and whether he wants to fix it or to keep forcing his wife to put up with it. Based on your letter, it does not seem that he is willing to fix it. And, it appears there is no end to your disgust with him.

If that is the case, only your determination can change the situation. If you are thinking about getting a divorce, I recommend that you talk to a specialist about property division, money for emotional damage, custody and child support. You must make this decision, not your child.

The question is whether you want to have a positive and bright future. Financial stability is important in life, but I think your biggest issue now is your own human dignity, which cannot be replaced by money.

Yoko Sanuki, lawyer

(From The Yomiuri Shimbun, Oct. 10, 2022)