My Mother Pushes for Marriage after Mistaking My Client’s Courtesy for Love

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, February 15, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a self-employed woman in my 20s. My mother never listens to others and easily makes incorrect assumptions. She’s a handful, refusing to acknowledge any verbal slips or blunders resulting from her one-sided actions. When criticized, she unleashes a barrage of irrelevant arguments to drown out the point.

Since childhood, I have endured a countless number of frustrating situations caused by my mother’s personality and behavior, including being forced to take lessons I hated for over a decade.

Lately, she has misinterpreted the sincere manner of a man I work with as affection. Completely disregarding my wishes, she has been badgering me to call him or invite him to dinner to push me toward marriage. When I confronted her, she took offense instead, insisting she was simply “setting the stage” for me.

My mother did not have a good relationship with her mother-in-law, who is my grandmother. Therefore, she had some difficult times in her younger years. I understand that she hopes I will not face similar hardships, but I find this situation quite difficult.

I know the best solution is to move out, but I can’t take this option for now due to my financial constraints. How should I deal with her?

P, location withheld

Dear Ms. P:

It sounds like your mother is quite a handful. I can only imagine the distress you are going through. What strikes me is your kindness — despite having your feelings repeatedly disregarded, you do not reject her outright and still show her compassion.

However, precisely because of that kindness, you must focus on protecting yourself to ensure you are not hurt any further.

To achieve this, it is essential to first establish emotional boundaries between you and your mother. You can hardly expect a change in her behavior, which has been shaped over many years.

When she says something to you, try to avoid reacting immediately. Instead, deflect her remarks by saying, “I’ll give it some thought,” and then take a moment to breathe deeply or retreat to your room to rest.

If you can stop taking seriously everything she says and just let it go in one ear and out the other, your heart will feel lighter.

You should strengthen your resolve to take charge of your own life and cherish the practice of making every small choice true to yourself. Although you may be unable to leave home for now, you can certainly start trying to become mentally independent from your mother.

Becoming stronger little by little in this way is by no means the same as casting your mother aside.

As her intrusive behavior likely comes from a place of love for you, I hope you will have the confidence to believe that holding such a firm resolve is, in fact, a way of honoring her feelings.

Masami Ohinata, university president