My Son and Father Constantly Fight; I’m Worried Something Serious Might Happen

The Yomiuri Shimbun

14:48 JST, December 14, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a female company employee in my 40s. I got divorced a few years ago and now live at my parents’ home with my two sons, who are in elementary school. There are five of us living in the house.

My parents look after my sons, helping me out while I work. I can’t thank them enough but also feel so bad for burdening them.

Lately, though, I’ve been worried because my older son and my father, who is in his 70s, are constantly at odds.

My older son is going through a rebellious phase, and honestly, some of his behavior really frustrates me as well.

My father yells at him, both at home and when we are out in public, and he doesn’t care who sees. When I see how my father treats my son, I also feel like his reactions are incredibly immature and unreasonable.

When I ask him to give my son a break, as he’s still young, my father turns his back to me and becomes defensive and hostile.

My son sometimes cries and hits the floor or walls while screaming, “I hate grandpa!” Seeing how my son reacts makes me really concerned that something serious might happen between the two.

Their fights are getting worse every day, and I suspect my father may be developing dementia. But as things stand, getting him to agree to a proper evaluation would be really difficult. What should I do?

— I, Osaka Prefecture

Dear Ms. I:

I know raising two children on your own is an immense undertaking, even with help from your parents.

As you strive to do so, it must be deeply distressing to witness your supportive father and beloved son fighting.

However, changing another person’s behavior or mindset is challenging. Elderly people often become resistant to change and easily emotional, regardless of whether they have dementia. Meanwhile, children entering puberty begin to lash out emotionally against different ideas.

Given that they are both independent people, any attempts by others to persuade them will likely be unsuccessful. If that is the case, then making sure they interact as little as possible is the most important thing you can do.

Would it be possible for you to move out? If that isn’t feasible, another option is to send your children to after-school care, so they are out of the house more.

Given the highly challenging nature of this problem, it is important not to shoulder the responsibility for solving it alone. You should ask as many people as possible for advice, such as friends, family counselors at your local government office, your sons’ homeroom teachers or a school counselor.

— Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist