I’ve Broken Up with My Girlfriend, but We Still Live Together

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:01 JST, December 7, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male company employee in my 30s. I started living with my girlfriend about half a year ago. We had been friends for years.

Because of her age, she feels like she is running out of time to have kids. She repeatedly urged me to make up my mind about getting married or breaking up.

However, when I thought about living a married life for the decades to come, I couldn’t make the decision to get married. Thinking that it wouldn’t be right to just drag on the relationship, I finally broke up with her.

She accepted it, but we are still living together until she can find a new place.

When I see how shocked she is from the breakup, it makes me wonder if I made the right decision. Then I start to feel guilty. At the same time, I feel it would be disrespectful to stay with her out of pity.

I feel lonely myself, and she says she wants to meet me every now and again to talk even after she moves out. How should I handle things with her?

Y, Tokyo

Dear Mr. Y:

Since the period during which women can get pregnant is limited, I can understand why your girlfriend, while considering things like her own career, urged you to make up your mind about whether to get married or break up.

At the same time, I can also understand why you felt depressed by her urging, even if you liked her, because you couldn’t imagine living a married life. Pregnancy and childbirth are not something men can experience, so they may find it difficult to imagine how such events would change their lives and careers.

Given that you’ve had such a long relationship with her, it’s only natural that you regret the breakup and feel guilty. You likely feel that way because you’re still living together. Since you’ve decided to break up, you should start fresh and live separately.

It would be difficult for anyone to build a new relationship while living in the same environment. For the time being, you need to put some distance between the two of you. You should not meet. Build yourself a life without her.

As you reflect on yourself and consider your own future in your new environment, you’ll be able to sort out your worries and concerns. Then I think you will come to an understanding about what you want to do with your relationship with her.

Naoki Ogi, education commentator