I’ve Never Lived by Myself and I Think It’s Affecting My Marriage Chances

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:10 JST, November 23, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male company employee in my 30s. I wonder if I haven’t been able to get married because I have never lived by myself.

Some of my past girlfriends left me after I told them I had never lived alone, or that I still live with my parents. I think they don’t see me as independent.

I have a curfew, but I pay my parents a certain amount of money from my monthly salary. I also do housework such as cooking and cleaning. I consider myself financially and emotionally independent.

I can understand the idea that living alone is a sign of adulthood, but I do not think it is fair or reasonable to judge whether you are independent or not solely on whether you live by yourself.

Since we have a good relationship, and our home is not far from my workplace, it would be difficult if I tried to convince my parents why I want to live by myself. They will not understand if I told them it’s for preparing for marriage.

I want to get married. What should I do?

— O, Tokyo

Dear Mr. O:

Having never lived alone is not the reason you have been unable to get married. Surveys show more than 60% of single men your age live with their parents in Japan.

The primary concern of women when considering marriage is financial stability. Secondly, they are concerned about their future spouse’s relationship with their parents.

You are saying you are “independent” in terms of living expenses and household chores, but the real question is whether you are emotionally independent of your parents. The largest concern of women is whether their future partners can stand by them if they are ever confronted with their parents-in-law.

When women hear a man over 30 has a curfew, they will shy away from him.

Even if you do not mention it, your words and actions probably reveal that you are close with your parents and might prioritize their opinions over your own. After all, you are considering getting permission from your parents to live alone.

First, why don’t you break your curfew and stay out all night without permission? It is not too late to consider marriage after finding out how your parents will react when you act against their wishes and then rebuilding your relationship with them.

— Masahiro Yamada, university professor