I’ve Never Had Romantic Feelings for My Boyfriend or Anyone. Should We Break Up?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:09 JST, November 16, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a woman in my 20s working as a receptionist, and I’ve never been in love.

While I have dated, I’ve never fallen in love. Friends from my school days say they think that I might be aromantic or asexual, meaning I don’t feel any kind of romantic or sexual feelings for another person. I think they might be right.

I never wanted to get married. But as I saw my friends have kids with their husbands, I’ve started thinking that I want this kind of happiness. I started using a dating app and met my current boyfriend, who’s two years older than me.

We have a lot of things in common, and he’s fun to talk to. He’s honest, and I have no complaints. But I still don’t have any romantic feelings for him. I feel bad for him.

I told him about my situation before we started dating, but now I’m wondering whether I should break up with him.

I believe that I have the right to want to get married, but I’m also starting to feel like time is running out for me to get married and have a baby. What should I do?

G, Tokyo

Dear Ms. G:

You don’t have romantic or sexual feelings for others, yet you still want to get married and have a child. It seems that you’re torn between your own sexual orientation and societal pressure to conform.

Since your boyfriend seems to understand your situation and is still with you, why not have an honest conversation with him? You wrote that he is sincere and fun to talk to. Someone like him will likely be willing to listen to your concerns and think about it with you, don’t you think?

You’re thinking about breaking up even before talking to your boyfriend. That makes me think that you’re already emotionally distancing yourself from him.

Put aside your sexual orientation and societal expectations for now and ask yourself whether you can continue to trust him and whether you want to stay with him. You probably already know the answer.

Why are you so fixated on the timing of when you get married and pregnant? Maybe it’s time to reflect not only on your relationships with your parents and friends, but also on your experiences so far that have formed your values and views of how people “should be.”

Relationships that make you feel uncomfortable will not last long, whether with friends or with romantic partners. You’ll meet someone sooner or later. There’s no need to rush.

Hazuki Saisho, writer