My Daughter Lies Like It’s Nothing; How Should I Deal with Her?

The Yomiuri Shimbun

15:07 JST, November 9, 2025

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a part-time employee in my 50s and a mother of three daughters. Recently, my second daughter, a university student in her 20s, didn’t come home one night.

While my husband and I were visiting our eldest in Tokyo, our second daughter and our youngest, who is in high school, were supposed to be at home looking after our pet and taking care of the house.

However, our second just stayed out and didn’t come home.

When we scolded her for not asking us for permission, she insisted that she did.

Previously, she has withdrawn money from our bank account, taken cash from our wallets and done other things without asking. She is actually dating a person in their 20s who works part time, but lied and said she is dating an older student at her college.

She lies like it’s nothing, but when she’s caught, she screams and cries, saying such things as, “I’ve never felt even a tiny bit of love.” It’s really shocking.

She apologized when she came home, but her behavior hasn’t improved.

How should I deal with my daughter from now on?

F, Kyoto Prefecture

Dear Ms. F:

It must be so frustrating to have your daughter, whom you’ve raised with love, break promises, lie and steal money from your wallet. Moreover, when you’re criticized for your past parenting skills, it must leave you feeling utterly hollow.

I understand how you must feel, trying to figure out how you should handle the situation going forward.

However, rather than trying to figure out how you should deal with your daughter, I think you should consider whether you should continue dealing with her at all, since she behaves this way. Even though you are blood relatives, she is an independent person. If your views differ, then so will your actions.

According to your letter, your daughter is an adult who is over 20. For independent adults to live together, mutual trust and consideration are necessary. In order for that to happen, as the parents, you need to tell her exactly what you two think.

The rest will be up to your daughter. If she does not seem like she is willing to change, it will probably be best for you and your daughter to live your lives apart from each other.

However, if she seems like she regrets her actions and is willing to change, then you two can have a conversation about exactly how you want your relationship to be like going forward.

Yutaka Ono, psychiatrist