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I’m a female part-time worker in my 40s. My husband is a professor at a university hospital and we have three children, from elementary to high school age.
I’m a female part-time worker in my late 50s. I’d like some advice about my father, who is still driving in his late 80s.
He’s a small-scale farmer and delivers vegetables to a local agricultural cooperatives farm stand every day. My mother died a few years ago, and he has devoted himself to farming, perhaps out of loneliness.
As a farmer, it’s essential for him to drive a light truck. But considering his old age, he promised us that he would voluntarily give up his driver’s license when he turns 90, the last time he renewed it.
However, a few months before his 90th birthday, he began to insist that he didn’t want to give up his license and wanted to renew it.
As his children, we told him that we would help him as much as possible. But he wouldn’t listen to us, and said, “If I give up my driver’s license, I’ll become senile and die. My children will kill me.”
He has caused some minor accidents, so we don’t want him to renew his license.
Since he’s been talking more and more about his health issues, I’d like him to grow just enough vegetables for our family to eat and consider resting his body.
— B, Saitama Prefecture
Dear Ms. B:
For your father, it is probably not only his daily work, but also his interactions with the staff at the farm stand that make his life worth living.
Work has the power to make us feel connected to society and to prevent loneliness and isolation. While retirement can make people’s lives easier, it can also be detrimental to their physical and mental health. I hope your father will work as long as he can.
Having said that, I’m certainly concerned about your father’s driving, as he has caused minor accidents. However, if you continue to insist that he give up his license, things won’t move forward. Let’s think about how he can continue to work without driving.
For example, how about arranging work days and delivery days among the family, and having a family member drive for him?
It’s important to actually do something like this instead of ambiguously telling him that you will help him as much as possible. What would break your father’s stubborn attitude is your concrete support rather than words.
Are there any farmers who would be willing to share transportation or deliveries with him? Or you can ask the co-op or the local government if they have any wisdom to offer.
I think it’s important to show your father through your actions that his family is his supporter, not his enemy.
