I Loathe My Parents, But I Want to Change How I Feel

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:00 JST, November 26, 2023

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a man in my 20s and a university junior. I loathe my parents. I have no confidence, no motivation and no dreams. I can’t help but blame my parents for all of this.

Since I was a child, my parents have done for me what ordinary parents would do. They gave me things I wanted, and they took me on outings. On the surface, we were close.

Yet the memories of my parents harshly scolding me and deriding me keep haunting me and will not go away. I think this maltreatment has completely ruined my life.

I hardly went out during summer holidays, and my parents were always concerned about me.

Yet I ignored them because I think it’s all my parents’ fault that I’ve turned out like this. I don’t like thinking this way, and I want to change myself. Please tell me how I should change my feelings.

C, Kanagawa Prefecture

Dear Mr. C:

It’s hard to live without confidence, dreams or motivation. But why do you blame your parents for everything?

You are a university junior, which means it’s time you start seriously looking for a job and thinking about life after graduation. Everyone gets worried when they come to this juncture.

Faced with one of life’s major challenges, you’re feeling acutely your weaknesses and regretting how you’ve lived. I believe it’s because you want to live life to the fullest from this point on. How wasteful to turn this energy into spite toward your parents.

You say your parents have done for you what ordinary parents would do. Can you imagine how hard that was for them? I hope you will think about how, since the day you were born, your parents have put their hearts into raising you.

It’s difficult to judge your case since you did not write in your letter what exactly your parents said to hurt you. But was it really so horrible that it ruined everything in your life?

Going forward, you may face many other hurdles in your life. If you blame things on other people whenever a problem arises, you will likely ruin your life yourself.

Masami Ohinata, university president