I’m Anxious About My Daughter, As She Makes No Effort to Find a Spouse

The Yomiuri Shimbun

11:44 JST, February 15, 2026

Dear Troubleshooter:

I’m a male company employee in my 60s. My only daughter, who is in her early 30s, currently lives alone. Though she says she will get married eventually, she does not seem to have even started looking for a spouse of her own volition.

I’m anxious thinking that, considering her age, she may end up taking too long to find a husband.

I have introduced her to various marriage agencies, but she has not signed up for any of them. She has not given any indication of having a serious boyfriend.

When I found out about a matchmaking event which parents could attend on behalf of their children, I asked my daughter to send me some photos of herself, but she refused.

If I try to talk to her about marriage hunting, it inevitably devolves into an argument. Each time my daughter rejects my advice, I become depressed and don’t enjoy my everyday life.

If my daughter gets much older, I fear that she may lose the desire to get married at all, and I really worry about that. If she stays single, sooner or later all of her blood relatives will be gone. I really want to see my grandchild someday.

What can I do to encourage my daughter to actively look for a spouse?

Q, Fukuoka Prefecture

Dear Mr. Q:

These days, more people are remaining unmarried for a variety of reasons. Though there are many people who want to get married but cannot, there are also many who decide for themselves not to get married.

As a result, the 2020 national census showed that one-third of women ages 30-34 had never been married.

In the case of your daughter, she tells you she will get married eventually, but it is highly likely that she only says this to avoid worrying you.

Though I have no idea why, your daughter does not want to get married, at least for now. All you can do is be respectful of her will.

We are past the era when getting married was equivalent to a happy life for women. And even long ago, there were many people who admitted that it was a mistake for them to get married.

Today, the ratio of marriages to divorces each year is about 3 to 1 in Japan.

I understand you want a happy life for your daughter, but that is exactly why you might want to consider supporting her in whatever way she chooses to live.

Even if she remains permanently single, you can offer her advice so that she can be financially self-reliant, and even in her post-retirement years, she can live her life surrounded by friends and other people she cares about.

If you do this, I believe your relationship with your daughter will be better than it is now.

Masahiro Yamada, university professor