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I’m a self-employed man in my early 30s. I divorced my wife earlier this year because she had an affair. I got advice from a lawyer, but I couldn’t get custody of my children, who are 4 and 6 years old. Now I’m back at my parents’ home, living away from my children.
I see my children three or four times a month now. But now that my ex-wife is married to the man she had an affair with and expecting a baby, and our older child will start elementary school in the spring, I won’t be able to see my children as often as I do now.
I feel so lonely and helpless, thinking that I’ve been unreasonably separated from my children, who I used to live with every day.
I’m helping out with my family’s store, but my father has been diagnosed with cancer and told he does not have much time left. I plan to take over my father’s business, but it’s not doing well and I’m worried about my future.
I can forget about everything when I spend time with my children, or when I work out at the gym four days a week after work. But the rest of the time I think too much and have no energy left. I want to be stronger mentally.
— G, Tokyo
Dear Mr. G:
Life doesn’t always go the way we want it to. You must be feeling so terribly lonely having to live apart from your two beloved young children because of your ex-wife.
You can see them three or four times a month. Now that you may not be able to do that anymore, it must be hard.
On top of that, your father has been diagnosed with cancer and has been told he doesn’t have long to live, and the business you plan to take over is not doing well. I understand why you feel down.
You wrote that you want to be mentally strong, but that doesn’t mean living your life without caring about these problems. Under these circumstances, getting caught up in your thoughts is a natural emotional reaction.
Mental strength is the ability to accept those feelings and come up with ways to handle your issues. There may be times when your thoughts go in circles. If you feel that you’re not moving forward with your thoughts, stop thinking about those things.
Fortunately, you’ve found ways to stop yourself, such as going to the gym and exercising, and spending time with your children. Try to do such activities even more. If you do, you’ll be able to get through your current hardships.
